The way I flirt now is to tell strangers all about my sleep apnea. If a guy walks up to me in a bar and asks how I’m doing, I will tell him I’m having fun but I can't wait to go home and strap on my CPAP mask. Men are usually confused and/or repelled …
I’m into yoga now which is very funny if you know me, and you probably do if you’re reading my blog. *waves to all 5 of my friends* I started doing yoga about 6 months ago for a couple of reasons, all having to do with my body and not my mind because the idea …
Continue reading Namaste, Elon. Thank you for making Twitter suck.
Remember the good old days when we pretended Republicans weren't racist assholes?
A good friend’s daughter, Madeline, was recently assigned a practice essay for her college applications which tells me she goes to a better high school than I did because I spent three and a half years thinking the guidance counselor was there to help kids with eating disorders. When the guidance counselor called me into …
Dear Friends, I've been sidetracked with another project for a while but I had to come out of hiding for a second to recap some of last week's insanity. There's no way to get to it all. Melania Trump telling Christmas to fuck off didn't even make the top 10. Blockbuster stories that normally would …
When I turned 30, I asked my dad why I felt like I was getting dumber as I got older, like I didn't know anything anymore. I was frustrated that I didn't feel like I was gaining wisdom or insight. My dad snorted into his beer and told me that it was the first wise …
Hey asshole friend, “they” are Americans, Americans who are silently asking not to be killed or treated differently because they are not white. They are Americans who are asking us, their fellow Americans, to look at them and hear what they are saying which is, “PLEASE STOP KILLING US BECAUSE WE ARE BLACK.”
The one where I love my husband and Bruce the Yam Guy.
Originally published on Writer's Resist and HuffPost in early 2017. So far, I don't think I was entirely off base except that there are more ferrets and even dumber people involved than I imagined. 1987 – The Art of the Deal: Nukes Edition Trump decides that Moscow needs a Trump hotel and like every …
Continue reading A Trump-Russia explainer and/or a wild guess
This is one of the things I wrote before I went into a defensive crouch in the corner of the room, trying to figure out who's fucking with me and trying to make me a puppet. I still like this piece but Jesus, I'm really mean to a (pretend) mom who's stressed about her rashy …
From Amy's files of "I Fucking Told You So" In case you missed it: This is a recap of Trump's press conference he had a few weeks before his inauguration where he pretended to hand over his business to the idiot sons and a lawyer named Sheri Dillon did aerial cartwheels and sang songs about …
Continue reading An Unofficial Recap of Donald Trump’s Perfectly Normal Press Conference
Amy Porterfield Levy 